Life through the lense of questions

Maybe. 

I guess for long i have identify myself as a girl who wants to know why. Why something happened, why something is the way it is, why this and why that.... It is my way of seeing the world through the lense of questions. This questions gave me a sense of movement that is happening all around and within me. It was not plain curiosity existing just because, it was search for meaning that could make pieces of a puzzle more tangible for me. So i didn't stop only with questions. I wanted to find the answer. Most of my behaviours, relationships and work were concentrated around this explorations of asking questions and finding answers. Mby this circle made me feel more safe. Or more fulfilled. Or more this and that. And perhaps it made the closest people around me more stressed and pressured, or more curious and growing. Mby its not easy to be next to a why person but it can also be an on going adventure. 

I love moments when I let go the question, forget about it and than, like a soft whisper in my ear, some kind of answer come. Answer that feels so honest, humble and true. Sometimes not even remotely close to what i wanted to hear. Sometimes a wake up call and sometimes a very soft reminder. I started calling this answers "A note to Myself" and I have been sharing this notes a lot. They felt like a reminder, mby to all of us.

 

And sometimes the answers did not come so easily... 

I can not tell you the amount of frustration that came, when I did not receive answers so easily. Questions were just building up and deepening, but no answer. I guess this period of Winter is one of those moments. My mind became eager, needy and frustrated. I wanted those answers... yet the lesson this time did not came through words. It came through experience. In this period of wanting to know my answers, i forgot to be patient. I forgot to let them go. I forgot to pray silently and with humble heart to be able to see. I forgot to rest in those prayers and nurture those questions with my patience. Answers can not come if I hurry. Cos they might be here all along yet i am to busy to find them, so I do not see them. They are hiding in the Ordinarity of life which in my fast mind felt all to boring.  

All my work was always grounding through the idea that there are some kind of questions we want to answer or find. And we continue going to workshops and lectures and programs, searching for them and exploring. What we gain is a lot of new information that we want to give place in our life. All the information that comes in might not be beneficial for us. But it can be confusing and it can show us that 

in order to really answer some questions, we have to listen to what resonates. 

Its beautiful to attend and meet so many people with their powerful tools and stories and approaches. But does it resonate? Does it fit? Is it a part of my next steps. Am i taking out of it only as much as i need to integrate fully in my life? 

If I really want an answer, i do not need to attend any learning. I can observe life itself around me. How it moves, what is bringing. Learning is much more simple than we think. And its also free. So why attending workshops and lectures etc etc.? Well mby it expanded our point of view. Mby it show us different ways of seeing. Mby it introduces us a path through with I can find my own answers. 

So to sum up... "why" can be light as a feather of heavy as a stone. As I am giving meaning and weight to things in my life. Mby I will always be a why person, cos the lense through which i see this world is funny and interesting that way. But knowing, that I can decide to make this simple and soft or heavy and dense is a a beautiful start of the journey.   

May it enrich you! 

Nayeli